We had so much fun collectively writing this song at Lisandra’s house. (2003)
(Script by Fulana; Lyrics by Fulana and whoever writes songs for J-Lo – read below)
I believed in Latin America, but things have changed.
So why do you come to me?
I’ve tried everything. But now the Evangelists come with their pamphlets and steal our flock!
Pope, I don’t got all day.
I’m sorry, Emilio. I mean! Señor Estefan. Padrino, I’m desperate, I’m broke, I got bad press, I have to win back my public!
Look, Papi, what you need is a Latino saint. One of them, but who delivers your message.
Like the Virgin of Guadalupe!
Yes. But a new one. What about the Indian who saw her on the mountain?
Yes. But with a Crossover-Makeover. If you want to cross over, you need a crossover superstar!
Brown don’t work
Go ask Christina
Everyone’s got to make a living
Got canonized this year
Went from a peasant to a saint this year
Everybody’s looking at this robe that I wear
You don’t know where you’re going,
you don’t know where you’re from
Lupe that ain’t fair
Yeah, Why you callin’ me out?
Mija, I love my look,
come everybody, check it out
With you new white skin, you fresh
Nothing phony with me
You’re the one who’s
Christmas lights on TV
Don’t be fooled by the props that I got
I’m still, I’m still Lupe from the block
Used to be a secret, now I’m hyped a lot
No matter where I go I know where I came from
So big deal if my face is on a wok
I’m still I’m still Lupe from the block
I don’t mind the keychains and the flowerpots
No matter where I’m sold, I know where I came from
From my native cloak to denim jeans
To tortillas to tattoos to these
I stay grounded as trademarks roll in
I’m real I thought I told ya
Better steer clear of Oprah
That’s not me!
So then honey,
don’t hate on me
just based on what you see
Don’t be fooled by the white skin I got
I’m still, I’m still JuanDi from the block
Used to be an indio, and now I’m not
No matter where I go, I know where I came from
You can diss but just look what it’s brought
White works, just go ask the King of Pop
I hear Michael Jackson wants the tone I got
I’m crossing over, gonna make it to the top
I came down to earth like this
Didn’t play that game
I am not ashamed
I’m brown and proud and loving it
What about this picture here?
You look just like Britney Spears
Well, you’re as fake as Richard Gere, but
That’s it, you got me seething!
LUPE’S HOMEGIRLS (Chorus):
Don’t come here tryin’ to knock what she’s got
She’s still, she’s still Lupe from the Block
She’s a holy diva but she loves her flock
No matter where we go, we know that she’s with us
JUANDI’S HOMEGIRLS (Chorus):
Don’t be fooled by the fame that you got
It’s all ’cause of Juan de Tepeyac
You used to be a minor virgin, now you’re hot
No matter where you go, he’s the one you owe
It takes hard work to help folks<
Prayers, apparitions, miracles, it’s all exhausting
Got no Vatican White-Out
You went the easy route
Yeah, you’re just a sell out
LUPE (pissed off):
Boy you just don’t know who to blend with
Just keep it real with the ones you came in with
Like me, la Raza, Mexico
yo show your glow with a halo
mello yello hello
low row in the snow no dough you know, hoooooo!!
Soundtrack stops — everyone’s like “huh?”
[MUSIC STARTS AGAIN]
You’re a fool, you are so out of touch
I’m the, I’m the new saint on the block
Now I’m at the Vatican I’ve got a shot
No matter what, I’m gonna make it to the top!
I wasn’t born when you saw me on that rock
I was Tonantzin before Tepeyac
You think you’re God’s gift to women but you’re not
And don’t you dare forget that I’m Jesus’ mamma
My powers are ancient and divine
Is that why you signed with Calvin Klein?
The Aztecs loved me way before recorded time
And then you changed your name just to make a dime…
Oh shut up! All you humans do is whine.
Who asked you to come and waste my time?
I got a big interview on Channel 9
Thank God, that means no more stupid rhymes.
[Enter Evangelical Christian, "Have you heard the
word of Jesus Christ today?," luring the fans away.]